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Monthly Archives: September 2011

This food will probably make you sick.

There are no sunglasses in this world that fit my face.

Ghost residue received upon walking through a ghost.

I confess, I’ve had a little trouble adjusting to this new place.  I transferred, and at first I was very gung-ho about it all.  Diligent and ambitious, you know.  However, quite a bit of social anxiety has moved in and I’m beginning to realize a few things.

Firstly, I am extremely overbearing.  I find one or two people I’m comfortable talking to and I annoy the crap out of them by relying on them for my entire social experience.  It’s almost like I’m stalking them, but I promise I’m not.  I really hope I come off as desperate instead of creepy, but I honestly don’t want to seem desperate either.

Secondly, my social “technique” attracts some people and repels others.  This is because it is very disjointed and unrefined.  Not unrefined as in rude and/or crude.  Unrefined as in good manners but poor insight to social cues.  This isn’t because I’m unaware of social norms and such; it’s more to do with feeling like an obvious failure when I attempt to follow these norms.  For example, if I say “hi, how are you?” I feel that the target of my greeting hears this: “Hello and I am dying to talk to you but pretending not to care.”  This is rarely the case, but I’m so self-conscious that I assume everything I say is either grossly misinterpreted or completely lacking in subtlety.   For this reason, I choose to be as straightforward as possible, at the calculated risk of awkwardness.  To demonstrate, I will post an actual conversation I had just today, but I will respectfully remove the other party’s name.

Me: Hello, First-name Last-name.
You seem like a nice individual and so I have said “hello.”

Him: Lol well hello

Me: I am going to go eat dinner now, but I am pleased with these few seconds of companionable conversation. 🙂

 

:)
That was the end of the conversation.  This kind of approach amuses some people, and these are the people who sometimes become my friends.  The other people do not become my friends, and only they know what they think about my approach.  I can only assume they are weirded out.  Oh well.  Anyhow, this is why I don’t have friends.
But now I’m thinking about focusing more on school and less on friends.  The outcome will probably be the same, since the people I would befriend likely don’t mind me being diligent as opposed to over-bearing, and the people whom I would not befriend will continue not to have been befriended.
So, school, then.  Practice more fervently, let my friendships take care of themselves because I obviously can’t help them.